Exclusive: HK Government to launch "Christian Bonds"
1 April 2018
Sorry to interrupt your Easter Sunday, but we have some breaking news that just couldn't wait.
Webb-site has learned that the Hong Kong Government, having failed to make HK an Islamic finance hub after issuing three shots of "Burqa Bonds", has concluded after extensive research and a straw poll at its "morning prayers for ministers" that HK is in fact a lot more Christian than Islamic, so this afternoon it will be launching "Christian Bonds" to stimulate and promote HK as a Christian finance hub for the Greater Bay Area along the Belt and Road.
Interest on Christian Bonds will be payable on the traditional quarter days of Lady Day or Feast of the Annunciation (25 March), Midsummer or Saint John's Day (24 June), Michaelmas (29 September) and Christmas (25 December). The payment deadlines for Government rents and rates will be aligned with these to match the cash outflows. Zero-coupon bonds will not be issued, due to anticipated lack of interest.
Christian Bonds will be of indefinite duration but callable upon the Second Coming. However, the holder may, on or prior to his death, seek redemption, if he is truly repentant. Applications for redemption shall be made on a prescribed declaration form to a Returning Officer, who will consider whether the holder truly atones for his sins in his declaration, or whether his past behaviour indicates otherwise.
Former Chief Executives and Chief Secretaries will be excluded from redemption to avoid the conflicts of interest that they failed to avoid while in office. Also, anyone claiming to have been called by God to run for Chief Executive will be required to provide telephone records or other evidence that he/she is not delusional, because "name-dropping", or claiming support without consent, is an offence under Section 27 of the Elections (Corrupt and Illegal Conduct) Ordinance. However, to have a conviction, the prosecution may have to prove that the alleged supporter actually exists.
An Executive Council sub-committee, the "Council of Ministers", will be appointed to consider whether private-sector bonds meet the criteria for accreditation or "blessing" as Christian Bonds. To qualify for the sub-committee, each of the ministers must have been indoctrinated at a Christian school in HK (not a major hurdle). Each blessed bond issuer must also have its accounts audited by a member of The Association of Christian Accountants Limited to ensure that they have not strayed from truth and fairness.
In the shorter-term Christian finance market, 40 days before Easter each year, investors will be allowed to make zero-interest irredeemable loans via a "new economy" e-Lenting platform, so that they sacrifice something for Lent. HKEX will also list the "Lent Notes" alongside the zero-voting, zero-dividend shares of "pre-profit", "pre-revenue" and "pre-company" companies to be listed later this year. An HKEX spokesman said: "it is entirely consistent with our values that investors who buy these stocks should just close their eyes and pray".
A spokeswoman for the newly-established Advisory Panel on Redemption, Issuance and Lent, Ms Fu Liu-Wah, told Webb-site: "the Government has seen the light and now knows what the market needs, unlike the market itself. We're just doing God's work. We have tried Burqa Bonds, Green Bonds and even cash handouts of Maundy Money, but we feel the time is right to launch Christian Bonds, especially on Easter Sunday. The idea has been considered before, but that was 62 years ago, so it is high time that it was resurrected and we are seizing the opportunity to launch this today".
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